The Pleasant Thinkers…


by Andrew Valenzuela

It is my personal belief that Nick Dimitri is the product of a secret love affair between MST3K’s Tom Servo and Lucille Ball. It’s the only way I can rationalize his mastery of self deprecating humor, quick wit, cynicism, and metal penis. Nick’s story telling is exactly what you’d expect from an imaginative fanboy whose life has been engrossed by fantasy and science fiction novels, comics and manga, 90’s cartoons and anime, and stand up comedy. Whether written in a more traditional form of literature or played out in a campaign of Dungeons & Dragons, Nick can spin one hell of a tale.


you’re still hung up on that whole metal penis thing, aren’t you?

Look, don’t get all judgey with us! So his penis is solid tungsten, does that make him any less of a man? Of course not! In fact, I’d argue the opposite. Seriously, whom amongst you wouldn’t want a metal penis? Think of the versatility. Not only is it an unyielding tool of pleasure, but it also functions as means of self defense.

Imagine its the middle of the night, you’re lying in bed completely naked. All of sudden a stranger breaks into your place and attacks you with a knife. Now you’re in a fight for your life, you’ve got no weapons except one, your 9 inch metal rod. I’m sorry to tell you this, but without a metal penis you’re losing that fight. You’re losing that fight nine times out of ten…



by Nick Dimitri

Andrew Valenzuela has been a nerd for as long as he can remember. They say that he came out of his mother’s womb holding an NES controller. They also say that it’s not weird at all that they know specific details about Andrew’s birth, and why are you asking so many questions? Are you a cop? Because you have to tell them if you’re a cop. They saw that on SVU once.

…Anyway, Andrew has spent most of his life playing video games, reading comics, watching movies, and generally ignoring the rest of life. He might not know the Pythagorean Theorem but he can tell you everything there is to know about Batman’s first appearance and why Gordon Liu is the most underrated martial artist in cinematic history. Tapping into that insane brain filled with pop culture and creativity, Andrew developed a razor sharp wit as well as an art style best described as Jeff Lemire meets an acid trip while riding a unicorn over a rainbow. And now he’s unloading that mind cannon and all of its creative juices for your personal amusement.

You’re welcome.